I remember well how my father felt when it came to Father’s Day. On Mother’s Day, everyone goes all out with flowers, tributes, dinners, appreciation; granted, this is well deserved. When it comes to Father’s Day…not so much. On TV shows and in real life, he commented on how Black men are often underrated. And we can count on the media to paint a negative portrait of Black fathers, despite the evidence to the contrary.
He loved to read, which influenced my love of reading and eventually writing. Fishing trips were special times for us. Being a military officer, it was hard for him to be away from us when he had an assignment, but necessary. He could get his point across with authority and never raise his voice. He commanded respect wherever he went; at work, where he was the only Black officer on the base for years, he had the respect of generals. He and Ma instilled in me the values I have today. I even have his offbeat sense of humor.
Of course, when I was a teenager/young adult I thought I knew everything, especially during the ‘60s and early ‘70s. Later on came the realization that he was a lot smarter than I gave him credit for. During the times when we didn’t get along or see eye to eye, it was because we were so much alike.
When I became a father, he was the one I turned to for those long, deep conversations as I navigated my way along my own path of fatherhood. I recall seeing a poster in a nonprofit here that said, “Boys make babies. Men raise their own and someone else’s.” Dad would heartily agree. And whenever his grandson was in the room, Dad would light up and his eyes would twinkle.
He passed away 10 years ago, but as he and I grew older I wanted to make sure he knew how much he was valued, to give him his flowers while he was here, as did my brother and sister. He and my uncles represented the positive role models of strong, loving Black men, men who loved their families and made valuable contributions to the community. In a spiritual walk, he and my uncles were members of the Cantino Choir at St. Peter’s AME.
My son is 21 now, and the lessons Dad taught me I have retained in raising him while incorporating some of my own. He’s growing into a fine young man, who knows he can talk to me in important matters, and knows he is loved unconditionally as he sets out on the course of his life.
Being a father, being a parent period, is the toughest job there is. It never stops, and we can’t do it without God. That being said, I acknowledge the Black fathers here in the community for the lifetime commitment you made, the positive difference you make in the lives of your children, and the love you have for them.
W.D. Foster-Graham
W.D. Foster-Graham is a native son of Minneapolis, Minnesota. He received a B.A. in psychology from Luther College, and he was an original member of the multi-Grammy-Award-winning ensemble, Sounds of Blackness. He has also been recognized by the International Society of Poets as one of its “Best New Poets of 2003,” is a guest writer for journalist/author/entertainer Wyatt O’Brian Evans.
