Here., too, was the guide, the beacon for such times as humanity might be in danger; here was the Guardian of Whom all humans knew — not an exterior force, nor an awesome Watcher in the sky, but a laughing thing with a human heart and a reverence for its human origins, smelling of sweat and new-turned earth rather than suffused with the pale odor of sanctity. Theodore Sturgeon
I had never met Dr. Irma McClaurin personally, but when I got the chance while not writing I continued learning so much in reading her articles frequently published in “Insight News”. During last Friday’s “Healing Circle” convened on “Conversations with Al McFarlane” and co-hosted by Dr. Bravada Garrett-Akinsanya, founder and CEO of the African American Child Wellness Institute (AACWI), Insight Culture and Education editor, Dr. Irma McClaurin would tell the story of how she became a ‘beacon’ that spared the future of several Black students at an area charter school.
There had been an altercation and their white teachers, standing before the principal, were adamant about reporting them to the colleges where they had already been accepted with additional punishments in mind and no notification of the parents. The disdain for these young Black men was painful to witness, Dr. McClaurin admitted, and we were all left thinking how many more lives have been ruined because some of 87% of the nation’s public school teachers are white, teaching some of 50% Black student population, with the same blinded power directed by fear and a lack of understanding of cultures and the albatrosses that accompany being Black and living in America.
Could these pseudo educators explain what humanity really meant to them or were they among the “Blue Lives Matter” group that would prefer seeing their country destroyed and children’s lives misdirected in the system rather than listen to their heartbeats and explore their consciousness for the sake of peace, harmony, love, and prosperity for all?
So, the question of the hour as introduced by Dr. B. would be one commonly asked by parents and clients, “how do we keep our children safe physically, emotionally, and mentally, based on two of the seven principles of Kwanzaa, Umoja (striving for and maintaining unity in the family, community, nation, and race) and Kujichagulia (self-determination in defining who we are; creating our new selves if necessary; and speaking for ourselves), and I would add, for our children too!
Lillie Rankin, an intern for “Insight News” and a contributing youth voice for the Circle, suggested that parents and youth caretakers must first prioritizing taking care of themselves; their physical, emotional, and mental health so that they will be strong enough to take care of their grateful responsibility. Routinely using the words “I love you” is invaluable.
The bottom line is that Black parents will need to consider a different, more honest, more courageous, more commonsense, more accountable, and more enjoyable way of parenting even if it’s a case of single parenting or co-parenting. Dr. B. would refer to it as ‘cognitive re-framing’, understanding there are things you have control of and things you should no longer give energy. “Parents have to be pro-active and positive advocates.”
I recall my dear friend and mentor, Dr. Margaret Bynum Hill (Maggie), retired educator and 3–time board member for the San Bernardino City Unified School District, all while fighting a relentless disease for years. Before every school year, this powerful and wise administrator would meet with every parent whose child would be attending the alternative school where I was privileged to teach English and establish one of the country’s first student run restaurants in 2002, Maggie’s Café. If the parents weren’t available because of work commitments, she would meet them at the grocery store on Saturdays or after church on Sundays. Her message: I’m going to need your support to give your kid a chance.
Parents must demand that school personnel treat their children with respect if they want to be respected in return and their time spent filled with rewards and educating children in a suitable, relevant, engaging, truth-telling, culturally sensitive manner while keeping their innocence in mind. As Dr. McClaurin stated, “many don’t see these Black and brown students as their children, certainly not in the incident I witnessed.” Our children’s lives deserve to be livable and sustainable . . . less traumatic with sounds of laughter and Coltrane and the aromas of nutritious meals being prepared. Each of us has a role to play in helping the young and innocent envision a more compassionate, inclusive, and safe place to build wonderful childhood memories and etch out meaning paths to happiness and prosperity, always in gratitude and remembering to pay-it-forward.
According to Andrew and Melissa with Embrace Race (raising kids who are thoughtful, informed, and brave about race), and from Dr. B. and the AACWI mental health team, parents might begin to ‘cognitively re-frame’ parenting 101. Parents and educators reaching a consensus as to ‘how much is too much to discuss about our post COVID and our racially explosive, violent, and economically deprived state of affairs. Children pick up on various nuances present in their parents behavior and decision-making with expectations of their being ‘positive’ role models, trustworthy and enjoying the good moments. As a common adage goes, “Rome wasn’t built in a day.” It will take time, studying, learning, and being specific about the best ways to provide. Above all else, know there is help and schools (with the training and addition of psychologists, social workers, and resource availability) have to revise planning with a universal set of strategies.
Parents and educators along with youth care providers for Black children might explore new ways to instill confidence and pride in youth while also explaining the racial inequity and barriers that continue today. Parents of non-Black children might find new ways to help their young children understand their role in confronting and combatting the rising surge of racism. I’d love to be a fly on a Southern home wall when Lindsey Graham and Mitch McConnell explain to their grandchildren why they have such destructive and vile disdain and fear for racial harmony, true democracy, and the actual survival of humanity. How will they explain to their sheltered white offspring that there has been historically, and there will be in the next generation, Black parents who will have to raise their Black children to confront racial injustices unlike any childhood most of them will never experience?
Children are curious and resilient, and they will eventually ask questions and learn the truth from other sources. What kids hear from us is less important than what they see us do. Using cultural literacy that helps children explore a plethora of world cultures is truly a gift. It certainly would be a good beginning. I began writing stories with Black and Latino characters decades ago, but it just wasn’t time to use my gift. No one could ever explain. Now is the time.
Now is the time to perhaps work diligently with a diverse neighborhood association, book club, or school and parent advisory board that can research grant opportunities and business support and be an advocate for the teachers and other staff members, as well. Find time just to get away in nature. When there’s a zoo trip, read with them about the animals they will see. Be active with your child and explore different interest possibilities utilizing community support groups and centers. Take frequent visits to the art galleries and museums to introduce history and art from different parts of the world. If moving is not feasible, find ways to contribute to making the neighborhood livable, safe, beautified, and friendly.
For parents of color, we must be even more vigilant than others. African Americans are more likely to experience higher rates of conditions like asthma and cancer due to disproportionate exposure to environmental hazards like lead in the drinking water, highways and toxic dumping areas near their homes, and the lack of grocery outlets providing nutritional and affordable food choices. Regardless, we must decide to treat our minds and bodies better. No more denial. We can’t pretend things have not gone wrong. They have and our predicaments could get worse or we can decide to work to make them better. We can’t worry about that which we cannot control, but we must be prepared.
“We worry about what a child will become tomorrow, yet we forget they are someone today.” Stacia Tauscher
References: Embace Race and the National Center for Education
Follow up articles:
- Part II “To Thine Ownself Be True” – Parenting and Mental Health (Learning How to Keep Our Children Safe)
- Part III – “The Meaning of Naomi Osaka’s Revelation: Tennis and Mental Health”
Cultural Literacy (Inspirational Books for Children)
Allen, Debbie and Kadir Nelson, “Dancing in the Wings”. An award-winning memoir based on Allen’s own experiences growing up as a dancer for children ages 4-8. (Allen was just awarded a “Kennedy Honor” – help your child explore more about the honor).
Barnes, Derrick and Gordon C. James, “I Am Every Good Thing”. An upbeat, empowering picture book (Winner of the NCTE Charlotte Huck Award) where the confident Black narrator is proud of everything that makes him who he is.
Gewitz, Dr. Abagail, “When the World is a Scary Place: Essential Conversations for Anxious Parents and Worried Kids”. Actual dialogue, talking points, prompts, and insightful asides that are each age-appropriate and centered around different issues. Along the way are tips about staying calm in an anxious world and the way children react to stress.
Levy, Adir, “What Should Danny Do?” (The Power to Choose Series) an innovative, interactive book that empowers kids with the understanding that their choices will shape their days, and ultimately their lives into what they will be.
Neimark, Jill and Nicole Wong, “The Hugging Tree: A Story About Resilience”. a poetic and peaceful story that aims to teach children about hope and resilience. Rather than a lonely tree on a lonely cliff, the tree represents community and a place to get in touch with inner hopes and dreams. Includes a “Note to Parents” by Elizabeth McCallum, PhD.
Ortega, Alicia, “Kindness is my Superpower”. A children’s book about empathy, kindness, and compassion (the series also includes breathing and acceptance).
Ramee, Lisa Moore, “A Good Kind of Trouble”. Explores race issues, and race tensions but for a younger audience.
Rodriguez, Ayesha, “I Am . . . Positive Affirmations for Brown Girls and Brown Boys “. The author uses rhyming verses followed by a positive affirmation to help build self-esteem and transform his or her sense of self.
Willey, Kia and Anni Betts, “Breathe Like a Bear: 30 Mindful Moments for Kids to Feel Calm and Focused Anytime, Anywhere”. A beautifully illustrated collection of mindfulness exercises designed to teach kids techniques for managing their bodies, breath, and emotions. Best of all, these 30 simple, short breathing practices and movements can be performed anytime, anywhere: in the car to the grocery store, during heavy homework nights at home, or even at a child’s desk at school.
